Feldman’s Guitar Skills Debated: ‘Is He Shredding or Just Emotionally Processing 1993?

LOS ANGELES — The music world is in turmoil after a recent viral clip of Corey Feldman’s live performance left critics, fans, and bewildered bystanders asking the same burning question: Is this man technically proficient, or is he just exorcising decades of Hollywood trauma through a Fender Stratocaster?

Footage from Feldman’s latest tour—dubbed Corey Feldman’s Infinite Sadness & Also Some Guitar—shows the former child star hunched over his instrument, fingers flailing in what some have generously described as “a passionate, if geographically uncertain, exploration of the fretboard.” Others, however, insist it is merely the sound of a man who briefly met Slash in 1989 and never emotionally recovered.

THE GREAT DEBATE: ARTISTRY OR AUDIBLE PTSD?

Musicologists are torn. Dr. Alan Rifkin, professor of Post-Child-Actor Sonic Theory at UCLA, argues Feldman’s playing is “a revolutionary deconstruction of rock norms.”

“Most guitarists play scales. Feldman plays what I can only describe as ‘the sound of a VHS tape being eaten by a VCR while License to Drive plays in the background,’” Rifkin explained. “It’s raw. It’s unfiltered. It’s the musical equivalent of a court transcript from his 2007 Today Show interview.”

Meanwhile, famed producer Rick Rubin, who once worked with Feldman on his Angelic 2 the Corealbum, offered a more measured critique: “Corey doesn’t play guitar. He negotiates with it. Sometimes it lets him win.”

A DEEP DIVE INTO FELDMAN’S ‘TECHNIQUE’

Eyewitnesses at the concert reported that Feldman’s solos lasted anywhere from “30 seconds to an existential eternity,” with one attendee claiming, “At one point, I swear he played the same note 17 times in a row, but each one felt like a different stage of grief.”

Feldman’s band, The Truth Movement, appears to operate under a strict “no eye contact” policy, with the bassist often seen staring blankly into the middle distance, as if silently calculating how much longer until his Uber arrives.

When asked for comment, Feldman remained characteristically defiant. “People just don’t get my vision,” he said, adjusting his leather gloves. “I’m not just playing guitar. I’m channeling the spirits of every role I almost got after 1995.”

FAN REACTIONS: DELUSION OR DEVOTION?

The debate has spilled onto social media, where Feldman’s fiercely loyal fanbase—comprised mostly of ironic hipsters, former Goonies stans, and people who still own Meatballs 4 on DVD—have passionately defended his musicianship.

“Corey isn’t ‘bad’ at guitar,” argued Twitter user @CoreyCoreBeliever. “He’s just playing in a key called ‘unresolved childhood trauma.’ You wouldn’t understand.”

Others were less kind. “I’ve heard more cohesive sounds coming from a blender full of forks,” wrote one critic. “And at least the blender had a purpose.”

CALL TO ACTION: A MASTERCLASS IN FAILING UPWARD

In response to the discourse, Feldman has announced a new online course: “Shred Like a Feldman: Turning Your Emotional Baggage Into a 12-Minute Solo.”

Early reviews suggest the curriculum includes:

• Module 1: *“How to Make a Guitar Whimper Like a Studio Exec Who Just Greenlit Busted”

• Module 2: “Pentatonic Scales & Pent-Up Rage: Finding the Balance”

• Module 3: “When to Stop Playing (Spoiler: Never)”

Feldman has also teased a new single, “Elegy for My Agent’s Voicemail (1997-2003).”

FINAL VERDICT: GENIUS OR JUST A GUY WHO REALLY MISSES THE ‘80S?

At press time, Feldman was seen attempting to trade his guitar picks for “one solid IMDb credit post-Dream a Little Dream 2.”

Whether you believe Feldman is the next Hendrix or just a man who never emotionally graduated from The Lost Boys, one thing is clear: His guitar work is less about notes and more about narrative. And in today’s attention economy, that might just be the greatest skill of all.

Sign up now for Feldman’s Patreon, where for just $9.99 a month, you can watch him attempt to tune a guitar in real time.

Next Week: We ask Corey Haim’s ghost if he’d rather do another Feldman collab or just haunt a Kohl’s forever.

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