LOS ANGELES—In a shocking turn of events that has left the entertainment industry reeling, NBC announced Monday that Andy Cohen will be taking over as the permanent host of “The Kelly Clarkson Show,” citing the fact that viewers can’t tell the difference between the two hosts anyway.
The decision came after a series of guest-hosting stints by Cohen during Clarkson’s recent absences, which were initially attributed to “vocal rest” but later revealed to be an intense regimen of competitive whistling training.
“We realized that our viewers were just as entertained—if not more so—by Andy’s rendition of ‘Since U Been Gone’ as they were by Kelly’s,” said NBC executive Samantha Blandford. “When we conducted a focus group and showed them clips of both hosts, 97% of participants couldn’t tell who was who. The other 3% thought they were watching ‘The View.'”
The mixup reached its peak last week when Cohen, sporting a blonde wig and a bedazzled denim jacket, belted out a medley of Clarkson’s hits while interviewing a potted plant he mistook for Meryl Streep. Ratings soared, and social media exploded with praise for “Kelly’s” newfound interview skills and “quirky charm.”
Clarkson, who was reportedly busy perfecting her whistling technique in a sensory deprivation tank, was unavailable for comment. However, sources close to the singer claim she’s “thrilled” about the change and is looking forward to pursuing her lifelong dream of becoming a professional whistler.
“Kelly’s always felt that her true calling was competitive whistling,” said an anonymous source who may or may not be Clarkson’s hairdresser. “She’s been practicing ‘My Heart Will Go On’ for months now, and let me tell you, it’ll bring tears to your eyes. Or maybe that’s just the pitch hurting your eardrums.”
Fans have taken to social media to express their feelings about the host swap, with #WhoIsKellyAnyway trending worldwide. Twitter user @ConfusedViewerForLife wrote, “I’ve been watching this show for years, and I honestly couldn’t tell you if it was Kelly or Andy or a sentient wig hosting. But I love it!”
Cohen, for his part, seems eager to put his stamp on the show. In a press conference held in what appeared to be Clarkson’s closet, Cohen announced his plans to “Bravofy” the daytime talk show.
“We’re going to introduce a new segment called ‘What What Happens Live on The Kelly Clarkson Show,'” Cohen explained while absent-mindedly trying on Clarkson’s shoes. “It’s going to be groundbreaking. We’ll have Real Housewives giving relationship advice to preschoolers, and a weekly ‘Throw Shade at Your Neighbor’ competition.”
The entertainment industry has been quick to jump on the host-swapping bandwagon. Sources report that Jimmy Fallon and Stephen Colbert are in talks to trade places weekly, while Oprah Winfrey is rumored to be coming out of retirement to host “The Dr. Phil Show,” much to the confusion of Dr. Phil himself.
As for Clarkson, her team has announced her upcoming whistling tour, “Whistle While You Work It,” set to kick off in small coffee shops and gradually work its way up to medium-sized coffee shops.
“Kelly’s excited to share her whistling prowess with the world,” said her manager, who was desperately trying to sell Clarkson’s unused wardrobe on eBay. “She’s been working on a whistled version of ‘Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You)’ that’s sure to blow people away. Literally. We’re advising front-row attendees to wear earplugs.”
As the dust settles on this unprecedented hosting shakeup, one thing remains clear: in the world of daytime TV, personality is apparently as interchangeable as the guests on a speed-dating show.
Tune in next week to “The Kelly Clarkson Show Starring Andy Cohen (Or Is It Kelly? Who Knows Anymore?)” to see if you can spot the difference. Spoiler alert: You can’t, and at this point, no one really cares.
The post appeared first on Lighthouse News Network.
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